can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize