Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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