Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
