I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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