I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
