that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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