Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
