Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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