butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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