and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
