you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
