I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
