VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
