just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize