we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
