You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
