Apparently you make a good broom.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
