Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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