I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
