why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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