i'm signing you up for texting rehab
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
