I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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