Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
