Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
