Got a toothbrush?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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