I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
