Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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