i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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