If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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