I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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