some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
