Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need moral support for this bender
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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