So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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