Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
