Buhtt sex?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
