The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
