I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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