i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
