what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
