and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
