We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
