He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
