Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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