I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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