she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
