you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
