The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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