Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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