Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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