he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need a beard to bite.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
