I am puke
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
