yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
