i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
