you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
