I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
