There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
