i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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