Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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