Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
