I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
