i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
