new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
