Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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