I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
