Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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