i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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