I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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