dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
