There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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