I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
