I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
