Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
