There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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