the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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