Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
